Comments on: Reschooling Tool #22: Stop Should-ing

By: sheridan

sheridan — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 04:09:07 +0000

I read both Dickers’ blogs regularly (maiden and last name), and the Empire, and I’m not going to stop reading the blog or checking for new posts because you’re busy living life, hopefully having a blast!

Unfortunately, reverse psychology works best on me so “wills” usually back fire and “shoulds” can do some wonders.

By: Melia

Melia — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 16:34:59 +0000

Stephen, yes, let’s Skype soon! I tend to use “Let’s” instead of “We should,” which automatically makes the proposed activity sound more fun. It’s an offering, not an obligation. “I will” is definitely a way to commit fully, instead of voicing the meaningless intentions that Margaret is talking about.

Gill, I know exactly what you’re talking about. I should keep up my Spanish, I should play my digital piano more because I lugged the thing across the country…so when I actually do these things, I’m just fulfilling the obligation and forget that I actually enjoy them. I’m sure Grey’s Anatomy was totally worth it, and you can feel productive because you’re catching up with the current season! Me too. As far as the blogging, Darren points out to me that people will read and enjoy what I write when I write it; they’re not judging me when I don’t write it. And anyway, it doesn’t really matter if they are.

Margaret - “intention inflation,” well said. I agree that when we’re reminded of the things we really need in life — safety, health, and love, for example — “needing” to go run errands or buy a new gadget doesn’t seem quite so urgent after all. It makes us use the word more selectively, and take responsibility for our choices.

By: Margaret

Margaret — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 16:16:01 +0000

I know we all use ’should’ in un-mind-ful ways, and especially as a way to admit that we know what we should be doing according to others, but … we’re too cool or we can’t be bothered. I don’t really understand why this is so ‘au courant’ with our generation and our crowd, because the frequent use of ’should’ in this way really contributes to a culture of meaningless intentions. Overall, this devalues real intentions. It’s like intention inflation! Save it for the real deal, and you’ll be happier, just as Melia knows.
Post script: I just watched Lost Boys of Sudan (2002-ish documentary), where I was reminded of the many things our capitalist society says we “need” or “should do/have” that are complete B.S. We need a purpose and a way to contribute to our community, that is the ‘real’ intention, in my mind, and ultimately what will make us happy.

By: Gilliebean

Gilliebean — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 07:39:01 +0000

Good for you for using “should” less. It’s like a nervous tick for me. It’s amazing how often I say “I should… [insert guilty statement here]” and beat myself up about how I’m not blogging enough, taking dance classes, learning Spanish, curing cancer. It puts a lot of pressure on myself to be productive and self-improving all the time, which kinda takes all the joy out of doing things I like (and makes me feel more guilty when I opt to watch four episodes of “Grey’s Anatomy” instead). Thanks for this post.

I, too, haven’t blogged in over a month or added more recipes to Feed the Empire, but I will eventually… because I want to. Thanks for the reminder

By: Stephen

Stephen — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 07:19:13 +0000

You were the first person to teach me to remove the words “should” and “try” from my vocabulary, and to replace them with “will”, as in “I will Skype wth Melia soon.” It’s made it easier to get things done, because saying “i will” do something implies that it is already expected to happen, and sometimes that’s the hardest part to get to for me.

And Ernest goes to camp is my favorite. By far. Ewwwwwwwww!